Men Don't Get It

Okay, guys, I’m not about to say ALL of you suck at this, but WOW, A L O T of you just don’t get it. I’m sure you’re wondering just what I’m talking about here, so let me get to it.

A lot of men do not understand how to actively engage a woman that they’re interested in. I could argue with my own self on this and say that maybe the guy just isn’t that into you, or else he would be better, but I’ve also seen men who are into a chick just fumble the ball without even realizing it. I get that with technology we are capable of getting a person’s number without meeting, or even after a night of partying you may bump into someone and trade numbers. Obviously, something about them attracted you, but why would you not have a proper follow-up plan? Many times women complain about men who entertain the idea of them, but then when it comes to trying to move forward beyond a “hey”, they drop the ball. 

I'm sure we have heard plenty of times that it's a bad move to text or hit up a woman late in the night to hang, or even just hit her up because it's bad decorum and translates as only one thing being on your mind. But, did you know there are other things men are doing wrong? 

Here are some of the things you need to stop doing:
 

“When You Gonna Cook For Me?”

What? You haven’t so much as taken me out on ONE date, we probably only text sporadically, yet you drop this question? You all can act as if the idea of a woman cooking for a man isn’t a big deal, but let’s be real about the situation: it’s a sign of wanting a woman to cater to you before she even has reason to. So what, you’re cute, tall, and have an okay hairline, maybe even got a cute little smile. Now I’m supposed to forego the idea of proper courting to come and throw on an apron and throw down for someone who doesn’t have the decent courtesy to even ask me out? Not even on a free date? I don’t know if you’re allergic to peanuts or seafood, but you want me to cook a meal on the whim? Okay, guy.

What’s the big deal, right? It’s a big deal when we look at the grand scheme of things and how men already use women for sex and “mommy duties” half the time. We are not here to be your caretaker, at least not yet. If you haven’t built a certain rapport with a woman yet, why even ask her to have you either all up in her home, or have her all up in yours? That doesn’t seem tacky to you? Women already don’t want that “netflix and chill” bullshit you throw, so why would you think asking her to cook before even allowing her to dress up and look nice for you is an option?

“Send Me A Pic”/”What You Lookin’ Like?”

So, here’s a secret: if a woman is digging you and y’all already have a relationship worth something you’ll get a message that says “Attachment: 1 image” without even asking. Just know, when it comes you better gas me up! Hit a thumbs up or heart action, and definitely give me a compliment. But, if you have to ask a chick to send you a pic within the first 5 minutes of conversation - it’s a turn off (unless you met her while both of you were wasted the previous night). Even if all you wanted was a picture of her outfit or her beautiful face, the idea of a man asking for a pic always seems sketchy because men have a knack for asking for nudes as if they’re just pencils you loan out during class. It may not be your intention, but it definitely sounds off as “creep” if we don’t mess with you like that. If you want to see a pic in the meantime, you can ask for the Instagram handle or follow that woman on snapchat. You know that every weekend like clockwork she will be singing along to her favorite song while her face is beat and she feels her prettiest.

“You Smoke?”

Listen, I just … wow. I have to say that I am sure some women might not be bothered with this, but I know more who are definitely not keen to being asked this off rip. If I smoke, I’ll let you know when we kick it more, talk more, or hang out on our date. But, what you won’t do is invite me over to smoke as a first date. You may not understand this because all you’re doing is trying to kick back, but 9/10 a man inviting a woman over to get intoxicated or to be high means that there’s a lower level of inhibitions and sex might happen. We are not trying to f%^k you on the first night. PLEASE stop asking “you smoke?”, because it is a turn off. Ease that shit in later.

No, it does not make a woman stuck up if she does not want to be on your couch feeling awkward because she never really hung out with you as a Netflix emblem loads on the screen and you roll up some green that may or may not be something she can handle. Safety is also a factor here. You cannot possibly tell me that you would want one of your homegirls, sisters, whatever to enter the home of a man she barely knows to do some drugs. It just seems sketch and low in effort.

“WYD?”

Boy, boy, boy. A “what you doing?” ass man is so annoying. If you’re going to ask me what I’m doing a million times a day, we just need to stop texting. Or, maybe you should ask me what I’m doing and then fill in the space whenever I tell you “Oh, nothing, just chilling. Looking for something to do. You?”

I swear, we are setting the scene for a hangout, how do you not get it?! Why are you asking me what I’m doing if you aren’t going to occupy my free time like I want you to do? No, but really, I get that sometimes we may play phone tag, so the next best thing is to ask what that person is doing, but honestly, if the conversation didn’t go anywhere from the last “wyd?” why ask again? Just bring up something else to talk about. Usually, when I ask my friend what they’re doing it’s because I want to know so we can link up or something.

Don't text me just because you’re bored, my dude. You’re wasting my unlimited texts. 

"wyd?" - Ignoring and blocking you.

“Without Me?”

I’m about to take a shower... “Without me?”

I’m laying down…”Without me?”

I’m watching TV… “Without me?”

I’m about to go to brunch… “Without me?”

Wow, yes, without you! I have been doing everything without you since before I met you, mother*^$#er! Maybe if you’d actually ask me out once in awhile I’d actually be more inclined to do more things with you. I don’t understand why this comes out of men’s mouths. You’re alluding towards sex with me, but haven’t even done so much as met me? GET OUT. Also, why pretend you want to do things with me if you’re not going to? I’m going to continue to do things without you until you can get right. If you want to hang out, say so! Invite me out for a drink, ask me to go to dinner, but definitely do not ask me “without me?” whenever I am actively doing something to entertain myself.
 

IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, THEN DON’T TALK TO ME…

Before all is wrongfully said and horribly done, if you don’t want me, then don’t talk to me. You’re wasting your time texting me, calling me, whatever. And you’re wasting my time, as well. Stop hitting me up with false hope that today we might hang, or fake ideas of your interest. Either come correct or don’t come to me at all. Just ask a woman out  - it only takes ONE date. Is it that big of a deal to take a woman out? At least then you both would know if it’s for you or not.

I think people don’t realize it’s okay to tell someone you aren’t interested. Be better communicators, or else a person will try to stick around a little to “see how it goes”. Just cut her loose and let her know if it’s a deal or no deal.

- Begum, Over and Out!  ;)

(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)

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