Why Don't Women Shoot Their Shot?
Men claim they want women to shoot their shot more often (A.K.A. approach them and tell them they're interested), but don't realize the reasons why most women may be steering away from it, aside from the obvious: we want to be "chased".
Since day one women have been shown images on cartoons and movies about men putting all of their efforts to court the woman they want. In books we have read about men who vie for the affection of a woman and will lay everything on the lines for her. All of these images, plus other factors and lessons from our family members telling us to get the world from a man, have built the narrative that a woman is supposed to wait for a man to approach her, pursue her, and then prove to her that she is who he wants. All of that sounds awesome, don't get me wrong, but the truth is, some men are so clueless that a woman HAS to approach him and get him to realize, "hey, I want you, you can talk to me".
I can say that shooting your shot as a woman can seem very scary; It ends up feeling like maybe we're just doing it all wrong. We understand that rejection is a thing of life and many of our male counterparts experience it way more than we do since they're usually the ones who do the "chasing" 9 times out of 10. But, aside from the rejection, there are a few other issues I've noticed with women who shoot their shot at men that have caused us to back down or never try again.
Here Are A Few Reasons Why Women Hate Shooting Their Shot:
Lack of Follow-Through
Save your dry ass texts and lack of communication for the next woman.
A few times, I've found that when shooting my shot with a man, they are receptive, but once we pass the initial stage of trading numbers and a few "hey, how are you's", there seems to be a lack of follow-through on their end. I have set the scale up for them to be able to feel as if they're already winning, but then it seems like they aren't willing to tip the scale further and allow for themselves to get the goal. It appears as if when women shoot their shots the man has no reason to really put any more effort beyond the initial thrill of getting the number.
I've come to the conclusion that he did not put in work, so maybe he really wasn't interested. But, is that really it? I've had these same men come back around a few months or even years later and then put in work to try to regain my attention and it was as if a new spark had hit them. I'm convinced that women shooting their shot at men makes them feel as if they have nothing to work for anymore.
It seems as if men want the woman to do all of the "tasks" that men once did to get our attention just because we said "Hi, I think you're cute. Here's my number". I don't have to set up the dates just because I said I thought you were cute, but even with that being said - if you don't want to do all of that, say that. We can both move on.
Men seem to take women shooting their shot as a turn off and don't follow-through. It's disheartening, and sometimes a bit lowering in self-esteem for a woman when he doesn't put the effort in. Why give you my number if you didn't have to and weren't interested? Waste. Of. Time.
To piggy-back on this idea of follow-through...
The "Chase" Is Non-Existent
Women still want to feel...wanted, sought after.
Because I put it out there that I was interested, you suddenly feel like the chase is unnecessary? Men seem to feel like the work is not meant to be done to get a woman and keep a woman's interest because we have lowered the tallest hurdle on the track for you: 'Is she interested?'
We allowed you to simply step over this hurdle and continue the race to get to know us, but instead of taking heed of that head-start we offered you, you simply walk off the track and never finish the race. Where is the date? Where are the long conversations until the sun comes up? Where is your effort to get to know me beyond our initial conversation? Where is the consistency in communication? Where are the compliments?
I let you know I was interested, but I didn't tell you could have me yet. I simply fired the shot to let you know that the race has begun. You can still treat this situation with the same fervor you do when you're trying to get a woman to give you time of day, but now you can skip that exhausting part and dive in. What's the issue?
As much as men love to say they don't "chase" women, it's what they do. May not be a hard and long chase (because that's just ridiculous), but men like to feel like they have to obtain a woman's interest because it makes her appear to be less "easy".
Speaking of "easy"...
Intentions Are Misunderstood
I didn't ask for that d*** pic.
The conversation goes south way too quickly. I approached you because I thought you were interesting/cute, but it appears that you felt since I approached you first, that I must want your sausage. WRONG.
I've heard from women, and experienced on my own, that when they have approached a man and let them know they thought he was cute and slid them their digits, the man initially begins to think with his wrong brain. The conversation skips the cordialities and courtesies of at least getting to know the woman, and instead the invites to "come through" are the next steps. How? Why is it that just because a woman has showed her interest, you suddenly think it's a score to get in bed, rather than to find out if she could be your next girlfriend?
I know it can be exciting to know a woman actually wants you, and maybe you're just always this horny and have intentions of sleeping with all the women you approach initially, but maybe you should play it safer when she approaches you first - unless this is what she wants, too.
It's a turn off to approach a man and then he goes into creep mode. Just be easy and keep it cool, fella. Invite her out, and if that's not what she wants 9 times out of 10 she'll tell you what she wants. Your initial job is done, don't foil this.
SO...
Basically, looking at these points, it just seems apparent that maybe men are mad about women not shooting their shot, but not realizing where they are causing women to not want to. It seems as if most men who allow a woman to shoot their shot may feel emasculated and uninterested because they feel like they didn't do their "part" as a man. It sucks, because many men are missing out on good women, and many women may be passing up on what could be the right man simply because neither sex wants to get right when it comes to this whole "get to know you" crap.
Admittedly so, shooting your shot is scary for any sex simply because of the rejection, and the media wide shame and screen shots to best friends that can be daunting, but forget about all of that. True love can't be found if you're not willing to be embarrassingly honest and a go-getter.
Women, shoot your shot, and men, be upfront if you're not going to pursue her how she deserves if she decides to shoot from the three-point line. This could all be so simple.
or not...
- Begum, Over and Out! ;)
(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)
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(c) 2017 Aisha Begum All Rights Reserved