Healing After Heartbreak

“At the end of the day, healing and grief is not a linear process.”

And remember, you don’t have to show up FULLY healed, just healed enough to know better and do better.

As I sit here sipping wine on a Sunday afternoon wiping a teardrop from my eye, I smile. I smile because 6 months ago that singular tear would have been plenty more and that singular thought that made me shed a tear would have caused a waterfall of emotions from anger to sadness and everything inbetween. It’s so hard to think that you’re going to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you experience an internal pain like heartbreak. It isolates you, it takes over your thoughts, it encapsulates you in a weighted blanket of sadness, it makes you feel heavy with grief. In layman’s terms: it sucks.

Years ago on this same platform I advised everybody on loving yourself and being alone in Guide To Being Single. It still works today, it’s amazing to find self-love, but as you get older, it’s important to heal and mend yourself to be better - not for the next person you meet, but for yourself, as well. So now I’m going to remind you on how to heal after a heartbreak. Roll up those sleeves, cause this work isn’t easy.

5 Steps to Heal After Heartbreak

1. Cry

Honestly? LET THAT SH*T OUT. I don’t care if you think it’s lame, I don’t care if you don’t want to seem weak. If you don’t want to cry, scream. Scream into your pillow, find an isolated space and let that pent up emotion out. Either way, you need to give yourself the space and time to really grieve. People forget that grief does not just apply to people who have passed away, but also dead relationships, whether it be friendships or romantic relationships, but all intimate relationships that have come and gone deserve a grieving moment. Allow yourself to really express the pain and physical emotions. Take a weekend to yourself, take a day - whatever you need. But please take it. But one thing to remember when you do do this - do NOT blame yourself and talk negatively to yourself about what happened or how you are a terrible person, etc etc. Simply reinforce that the relationship is over and it’s okay to have experienced someone and have to move on.

2. Journal

Okay, seriously, you might think journaling is not your thing, and you know what? Cool. But I really think if something weighs heavy on your heart, instead of running to twitter (take it from me), or bombarding a friend’s ears all the time with every new thought or emotion you have - take it to the sheets. The college-ruled sheets, that is, or papyrus- whatever your fave journal has. Write down whatever comes to your mind when you wake up and feel heavy, write down what you feel when you suddenly have a memory and want to cry, write down the happy moments. Walk yourself through your own emotions and bleed them out onto paper. It will be such a healthy release for you that you didn’t even know you needed. Pro tip: when the gray clouds clear and the sun shines through, you can re-read it all and remember how far you’ve come and know that you CAN make it.

3. Avoid Rebounding

I know. I know. “The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody new”. WRONG! It sounds good. It may feel great. But once that moment is over, you’re still left with yourself and the emotions. Honestly, if you want to suppress and move forward - go for it. If you want to heal and be a better person and understand yourself? Take the time off. put yourself in time out. All you’re going to do is drag your toxicity to the next person and cause hurt, create more emotional buildup for yourself and just become a whole avoidant mess. Take this time to really find peace with being alone. Meditate, work out, pick up a new hobby. Or just f*cking exist. But this isn’t the time to seek companionship under false pretenses. Also, do NOT text your favorite lil friend. BFFR. You know that situationship ain’t no healthier. As mentioned in Guide To Being Single - if you don’t just masturbate and move on!

4. Seek Therapy

Look, as Millennials, I think we really have made mental health less taboo and I love that! But, still, so many of us do not seek a professional. It’s so important that if you feel overwhelmed and emotionally bothered, that you seek a therapist. They become a safe space to walk through your emotions and also help you figure out what could have gone wrong or right and help you understand yourself a lot better in a healthier fashion. I also suggest reading literature that helps with getting through breakups like The Art of Letting Go. And any other things that may help you understand how to detach healthily from a person. With so many avenues to get therapy (NOT CHATGPT), there’s no excuse anymore. No insurance, bad insurance, good insurance - there’s just no more excuses.

5. Don’t Self-Isolate

Get dressed up and go to that bar alone. Go out with your friends. Make the self-date and don’t cancel. Get out the house. You have to remind yourself of who you are and remember not to self-isolate. It is so important to also speak gently to yourself during this time and not have negative rhetoric. You don’t “suck”, you are wonderful and you just got dealt a shitty hand. There’s more hands to be dealt! So get off that couch, shower, get a new haircut - idc. Go touch some grass. I say this in a non-joking way, but if you also find yourself down, grounding and “touching grass” for at least 30 minutes a day can bring you relief. Get some vitamin D. Find your glow again. Remember to let your friends in and maybe let them know you need a night out with them. Whatever you do, don’t hole yourself up for too long.

At the end of the day, healing and grief is not a linear process. You may slip backwards in your healing at any time, but the main thing to remember is that you have to keep doing the work and pushing forward. You WILL heal! It’s up to you after that to take the lessons you learned and the experiences you’ve had to make better decisions moving forward. It can be hard to open up again to someone new, but remember to move at your own pace and make decisions based on logic as well as how comfortable you feel. And remember, you don’t have to show up FULLY healed, just healed enough to know better and do better.

From one healing heart to another, you’ve got this!