The Princess and The Frog
I was having one of my usual random conversations about relationships and how men and women are kind of trash when it comes to dating lately when a friend chimed in that women are supposed to go through a few “ain’t shit” men before they find a good one. I stopped. Why is that what a lot of people seem to think is the way it goes, and why is that what we, as women AND men, accept? The idea that women have to deal with men who are horrible in order to prepare a woman for the right man is wrong. It damages us more than you think.
Since the beginning of socialization women are told that we need to experience a few bad apples before we get to the good stuff. Disney laid out the puzzle pieces by telling us stories of princesses who must kiss many frogs before finding a “Prince Charming”, showing us we have to go through hardship to be “rescued” by some stranger. It seems as though a woman’s worth is dictated by the amount of pain she can endure, how much struggle she’s been through.
The Quick Breakdown
Society constantly allows people to run over women and their emotions and then justifies it by saying she will be able appreciate a good man when he comes around because of it. Everytime we impose this idea unto a woman we diminish her self-worth rather than uplift her, and we further the cycle of trash men who show no respect for women. How, do you ask? How can this cause a man to feel less respect for a woman?
Simple. Or, not so simple.
When you steadily and readily make the statement that women have to go through pain before finding a worthy suitor, you allow men to remove their accountability for the bullshit they may bring to a woman. A lot of men sit in the fact that they aren’t “the one” and therefore do not have to treat the woman they deal with with common courtesy and respect that they would treat a woman who they think “deserves” it. They wallow in the accepting nature of being a “dog” because they’re allowed to be with no punishment. When it’s found out that a man is not being upstanding, it’s regarded as just “being a man” and a woman is comforted by telling her that she just had to deal with that one to find her “prince charming” and that “men will be men”.
When you do this, you also wear down a woman’s self-worth and mental health. She will allow these actions to occur more often because there is a universal acceptance of women in pain at the hands of jerk men. It is seemingly the norm for a woman to be hurt many times. It is almost a badge of honor. Due to this belief, she allows men to come and go without respecting her emotions fully and having to be non-reactive for fear of backlash and being called “crazy” or “too much”.
Stop The Trend
Let’s stop the awful trend of measuring a woman’s worth by the amount of pain she can endure. There’s a difference in failed relationships and just plain disregard to a person’s well-being due to a lack of humanity and respect for them. Yes, relationships are learning lessons, but they do not have to be interactions that constantly come with deceit and infidelity. Relationships can still be learning lessons if they were carried out civilly and respectfully. A woman shouldn’t have to kiss many frogs, instead she should be able to pick from a fleet of honorable men.
My advice on how to solve this without a long list of steps and how-tos? Just follow the golden rule: Treat others how you want to be treated.
If you wouldn’t like someone playing with your emotions and tugging at your mental stability, then why would you do that someone else? It’s best to practice being a good person to people, especially if you’re going to go as far as claim their bodies in bed, or even pursue any kind of romantically intimate relationship with someone. So often we find ourselves doing wrong for no real beneficial gain, other than an opportunity to send a screenshot of how you dissed someone or a tweet thread on how a situation turned out. Honestly, it’s time to grab ahold of our humanity and start treating each other with some respect. Pain isn’t a badge of honor and being a player isn’t a necessity for matriculation into manhood.
It’s time for women to stop accepting pain as a right of passage or as a norm. You don’t NEED to experience pain at the hands of a man. Stop excusing a man for not acknowledging your worth and emotional maturity. It isn’t a “man being a man”, it’s a man being careless and not treating you with the respect you deserve. Break the shackles of pain off of you and rise to the top.
Welp...
What do you think? Drop a comment below and tell me what you think about the trend of measuring a woman’s self worth by her pain she endures. Do you think allowing this to go on, also allows for men to be less accountable for their actions and to be reckless when it comes to handling women and relationships?
- Begum, Over and Out! ;)
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