Are You Ready To Date?

Did wedding season get you back into your feelings and ideas about possibly finding someone worth spending a lifetime with? Or maybe you have been pondering on the possibility of finding a special someone for a little while now. You’ve worked through your issues and you’re ready to jump out there again. Well, are you really?

A lot of the time our emotions may change with the seasons. You want someone when it’s cold, and when the spring flings and summer starts creeping in your heart may grow a little warmer for someone. So let’s decipher if you’re really ready or you’re just looking for something to swing on for the moment. Either way, whatever you want it’s important that you know what it is you want and that you’re ready to make that move into whatever it is you want.

When I say you’re ready to date, I mean you’re ready to be out in the field and run your plays for someone without carrying a load with you.

5 Signs You’re Ready To Date:

1. You Are Not Comparing Every New Person To Your Ex

Nobody wants to be in competition with your past and honestly, nobody wants to hear that s***. Your ex isn’t the next person and the next person is not trying to be your ex. Don’t expect people to do the same wrongor the exact same good that your last person did. If that’s what you’re afraid of, then maybe you should hit the drawing board a bit to make sure that you’re not picking the same kind of people every time you throw yourself back into the game.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s natural that you’re probably going to be reminded of some things when people do stuff, but is it going to have you bent out of shape?

2. You’ve Healed From Your Past Relationships

Bitter Braxtons and Bitter Bethanys are not welcome here. You can be bad all by yourself - seriously. Dating shouldn’t be dreadful, so don’t be the person that throws salt on the game. If you aren’t ready to really come into a situation with a positive attitude and not project your problems onto someone else, then this isn’t for you. You have to really be ready to laugh failures off and come to each new person with a fresh view. Everyone isn’t perfect, but you definitely won’t prosper if you have a chip on your shoulder in regards to your last relationships. Also, if you still want your ex, then why even try to use someone else to fill a void. You should be stable in your own self and your own life before you really step onto the scene or you’ll be doing yourself a disservice here.

This leads me to my next point.

3. You Are Genuinely Happy In Your Day To Day Routines And Life

You’re self-reliant, self-sufficient, and independently responsible for your own happiness. What you have going for yourself is making you happy enough and you don’t need someone else to necessarily lean on to create a happy place for you. I’m not saying that sharing your space with someone else intimately can’t be that last piece you need, I’m saying do you NEED someone else to create happiness FOR YOU? Are you genuinely comfortable being alone now and have become satisfied in yourself enough that you can share yourself with someone without needing someone?

Do you have goals and a drive that’s propelling you currently? Do you need someone to propel you and you cannot motivate yourself? Nobody is really out here trying to carry dead weight. Would you be considered dead weight right now? It may seem like I’m asking you a lot of questions, but these are questions you should really clear with yourself before you step out and try to get to know someone else. You should be in love with yourself and in love with your space so much that if someone comes and goes it won’t necessarily hinder your current mojo. This is also important because it will help you not fall prey to people who are not adding worth to your space.

If you’ve been critically failing at dating in the past and this was your time of hiatus, it’s time to focus on what you’re doing individually and see if you’ve made headspace and improvements within yourself so you can know where you’ve been going wrong with meeting people. If you are in a good point right now, are you stable there? Can someone easily come and steal your joy? If so, it’s not your time.

You need to be grounded in yourself before you try to be the foundation for someone else, or even before you open yourself to just floating around with someone else. Being empty in either a casual situation or even a serious situation won’t help anybody, you’ll just be adding to your own emotional baggage.

4. Other Relationships In Your Life Are Healthy

Do people tell you you’re horrible at communication? Are you a loner who disappears for days at a time and then pop up like “Hey, wyd?!”. That’s fine and all, everybody’s different, but seriously, poor communication can’t work with someone you’re trying to get to know. Your besties for life may be used to it, but are you able to move out of that routine for someone?

Aside from that, are you able to reciprocate respect and love with the people in your life currently? Do you know your love language, can you respect other peoples’ love language? Being able to carry other relationships in your life healthily means that you also have a positive team behind you and you are not just seeking an arrangement to try to fill some kind of void. If you can’t have a proper relationship with people you see on a regular, what makes you think you’re ready to bring somebody else into your horrible ways of communication and friendship/intimacy?

Having friendships outside of the people you are trying to date will also mean that you can give other people space. Nobody really likes a clingy person off top and this can become problematic. If you don’t have other people you share your feelings and time with you will find yourself pouring yourself into new people who do not deserve it or even expect it yet. You’ll be chasing when you can be chilling.

5. The Thought of Meeting New People Is Exciting

It seems exciting, as it always may at first, but ask yourself if you’re REALLY ready to entertain someone new and find out about them. People can seem genuine and then hit you with an okie-doke. Are you really ready to deal with the trial and error of going out on the scene and finding new people? (Yes, new people. Don’t you backtrack here!) You have to be ready for some really great confusion. Some people you meet may seem great, hold an amazing conversation or two, then disappear. Are you ready to deal with this again? Can you honestly say that this won’t deter you as soon as you get one of these experiences? If your goal isn’t to be serious, are you ready to get back into the aimless companionships and connections? Think about your last experiences and how you felt and really decipher what it is that you’re ready for and if you can handle what you’re asking for. It all sounds easier than it seems. This is probably the most important one on the list. If you can check off the other four, then you need to think hard and long on this one. Are you really ready and excited to truly shuffle through and swipe left or right in real life?

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So, are you ready to date?

Are you ready to get to know someone’s body or someone’s mind and not be annoyed or regretful of it? Are you really ready to take a risk? It can seem pretty daunting, but it shouldn’t be. Whether you’re in it to win it or you’re just trying to enjoy the game quarter for quarter, you should be mentally ready for whatever may come, and emotionally mature to handle what comes with inviting new people into your space.

If you feel you’re ready, go out and be great! It’s the return of the Mack. You’ve got this. Keep it casual, keep it cute, but most importantly keep it respectful and you’ll find enjoyment.

- Begum, Over and Out!  ;)

(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)

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